In the last few weeks I understood a lot, I had to tidy up a bit.
I had to let go and admit to myself that I needed a break, which I always repressed.
My mind wanted to push me, my mind was about to strive for more,
create more, have more results. Until one Monday morning my body screamed STOP.
I fell down to the ground,
I became unconscious for about an hour in the metro.
I had written in my journal that morning that I should listen to my body a bit more this week and take breaks when I feel it.
Apparently it was already too late.
The ambulance took me to the hospital, I stayed there for a while, got all the medication I needed and a bill that
infuriated me.
Why did I say it was nonsensical to take out health insurance? Having no health insurance is more expensive than I thought. Not cool.
Week 13 made me understand that my body is my most important asset that I have.
Through the medication and my shingles, I slept the whole week from morning to night.
Some friends visited me, others ordered me food to my room and I felt a deep inner gratitude and understood that for so long I thought
I would only be valuable and lovable if I am strong and powerful.
I ran after this carrot for years, but could never eat it because I kept it from myself. I am responsable for it, no one else.
I wanted to be loved by others, even though I was the one who first needed to love and value me.
Vulnerability is not a weakness.
To show your weakness, not to lie to oneself, to be honest with oneself and to others is one of the biggest strengths that I was able to learn.
Sometimes we have to go back two steps to get three ahead.
As I got used again to the normal day, noted my hunger and my inner strong motivation,
I found it incredibly difficult to continue to listen to my body and
to stop myself in training.
I am such a woman of extremes.
Either I give everything or I do nothing.
Did you ever heard about the word "balance", Natalie?
Exams
We all stay consistent to the person who we believe we are.
If you want to change your results, or your outcome you have to think about the story you are telling yourself every day,
every minute why you are not good enough,
why you cannot do it right now, why it is not the right moment, why …. Bullshit.
I have to learn to get comfortable with everything.
I once read the term “Those who are certain of the outcome can effort to wait and wait without anxiety.”
If we understand that every situation is always happening for us and never against our own personal development,
you’ll get so calm inside of you because you know, who walked beside you all the time and you know, what you deserve
– where you focus on the longest, becomes the strongest.
I am listening to the audiobook Think and Grow rich of Napoleon Hill again and I love what he is thinking about goalsetting and achieving
everything you want to manifest in your life.
Its about “Everlasting persistence in thoughts, mixed with positive emotions, mixed with faith.”
- do you agree?
I wasn’t really stressed about my exams.
I know why I am in this school, I know where I want to focus on, I know what drives me and I know that I don’t have to be perfect.
Every human being is allowed to make mistakes, is allowed to fail.
The most successful people in this world became the person they are seen for right now because of all the failure they’ve gone through. They fail the most.
It’s not about perfectionism, it’s about hard work.
What you put in to it, the audience will see out of it.
Everyone’s talking about the importance of the relationship with ourselves.
In addition to that,
what I really want to build in my life are three main relationships.
I guess, if I handle these and if I would fall in love with these strangers one day,
there is no other way for you to have success in your life.
It’s about building a relationship with our fear, with pressure and with everything what is new to us, which we often describe as “it’s uncomfortable/ it’s too dangerous/ maybe I am too young,
too small, too old/ it’s about every excuse we make nowaydays”.
Everyone can have a dream or a goal but are you willing to do everything what it takes to go on this
journey?
The marines have a saying where they mention “ Everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die”.
Next step: building relationships with my fear, pressure, everything what is new to me.
I have to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
I have to separate myself from my ego and see myself as the person I already am.
You are already that person, you have everything what it needs – just put yourself in that place.
You’ll win. You’ll feel it. You’ll see it.
Bisous,
Natalie
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